Thursday, May 24, 2012

Please take this required training

I have to say, I do agree with this policy, and I think it's something that all employees should be aware of and recognize as their own personal responsibility.

However, I question whether a posted notice is really enough.  I think at minimum we need to track attestation for all employees and contractors.  

Really though, when it's this important, let's go the extra mile and put together an e-Learning course...

(...whole-tone scale played on the harp...)

"Welcome, and thank you for accessing this required training on urinary evacuation policy and procedures.  Here at Your Massive Employer, we take potty training seriously.  We believe it is important that every employee understand, and follow, the proper protocols when voiding their bladders in any of our company sanitary facilities.  At any time during this training, you may refer to the above policy to reinforce your knowledge before working through the scenarios, answering the practice questions, or taking the final test.

Click "Next" below to continue..."

[next] (don't click it, it's an allusion)

Scenario 1.  Chet, an employee in the processing department, has been working all night in a coffee-fueled haze.  He hasn't visited the restroom in at least six hours, and things are getting pretty desperate.  He manages to get is fly undone, but in his haste just barely misses his aim and sprinkles the seat.  He figures it will dry out on its own, since it was only a little drop or two.

Has Chet violated the policy?

__ Yes
__ No

If you chose 'Yes', you're correct! Chet has violated the policy, which clearly states that peeing on the toilet seat is prohibited.  Even though it wasn't his intention to do so, and the dribblings were quite minimal, the policy is quite clear on this point."

(...whole-tone scale played on the harp...)

...I could go on, but I'm afraid it might get gratuitous.