Tuesday, August 7, 2018

I do not want my job today

Today I want my job to be breaking things. I want to tear down walls with hammers. Break windows, crush rocks with a sledgehammer. Tear apart fences with my hands.

I do not want to energize my colleagues. I do not want to build alignment with my team and my clients. I definitely do not want to create insightful strategies for customer engagement.

I want work that leaves my muscles sore, and my hands bloodied and broken. Work that flows from fire and rage, that creates clearings where other people can go build things. I want to sweat and move. I want to demolish.

I do not want to plan and worry. I do not want to think things all the way through. I do not want to reframe anybody's problem.

I don't want to go home and feel like I've made a difference, no matter how small. I do not want the satisfaction of helping unlock the potential in a business or product. I do not want to relax will a well-earned glass of wine.

I want to go home exhausted and aching, barely able to move. I want to fall/crawl into bed feeling near death, with the sweat and grime of violent, angry work still clinging to my skin. I want to drop into sleep during the fall, with nothing to reflect on and nothing to plan.

That is what I want today.